It's Elementary, My Dear Readers

Never wore this coat.
Or the hat.

Anyone who knows me knows I am enthusiastic about many things, but a couple of things in particular: Sherlock Holmes and all things relating to or similar to him, and accuracy, especially when it comes to grammar, spelling, and fact checking. In fact, you could say I'm a bit of a perfectionist and a fanatic in this second regard. Maybe even slightly OCD, but I'm not going to say more because I don't want to have to talk to another counselor.

Ahem.

I don't like it when people mis-quote things and take them to be the gospel truth. For instance, Sherlock Holmes never said, "Elementary, my dear Watson." Never. Never never never never never ever. And yet I will probably have to correct multitudes of people before I die because that sort of thing is essential to their salvation or something.

My point is: I keep hearing a particular phrase, most frequently applied when a person wants to come to church in jeans and a t-shirt, or when they don't want to have to change from their sinful ways. Mostly they don't want to be judged by others. It is, "Jesus said, 'Come as you are!'"

False Stereotypes

Did he? When? Where? Seriously, though. Someone please show me where in the King James Version of the Bible, God or Christ says, "Come as you are." I've looked with Sherlockian scrutiny in the Bible as well as the other standard works of the Church, and I cannot find it anywhere. I imagine you might be able to find it in some other translation of the Bible, but let's stick with the most doctrinally sound version. Not a single reference.

The problem with this, 'Come As You Are,' mentality is that it makes God contradictory. He is like a germaphobe Father, and we are his beloved children. Jesus Christ is the perfect older brother who never got a speck of dust on him at recess, while we managed to get ourselves into all sorts of dirt and mud. We simply can't 'come as we are' in this state because God can't stand the sight of all this filth on us, and we would feel dirty, gross, and uncomfortable to be anywhere near him.

That's more like it.

But the confusion is elementary to understand when we look at the source material. You see, Sherlock Holmes did say both, "Elementary," and, "My dear Watson," but in two separate stories. And Jesus Christ does repeatedly tells us to come unto him. Like John 14:6, Isaiah 55:3, or 2 Nephi 28:32. There's even a whole Topical Guide section on it.

Fortunately, Christ loves us and has given to us freely a cleansing agent called The Atonement. It will take some soaking, scrubbing, and sometimes repeated washing to get us clean, but we can get there. In Moroni 10:32, we're told to, "... come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." Christ intends for us to come unto Him by becoming like Him.

I really don't care if you come to church in a t-shirt and jeans. Coming to church is a step towards denying yourself of all ungodliness. I will just celebrate that you are there. So please come: Come to church, come unto Christ, come join with us!

And by the way, Queen Marie Antoinette never said, "Then let them eat cake!"

Why Do Some People Call the LDS Church a Cult?

The Short Answer: As Hitler said, if you're going to tell a lie, you have to make it huge to make it believable.

The Long Answer: Let me illustrate this with an example I learned from my advertising class. This particular company will remain anonymous as I can't remember what it's name was.

Once upon a time, there was an unsuspecting baby food company that only wanted to fill babies tummies with delicious fruits and veggies. Then one day, some person made the claim that this company worshiped Satan. How outlandish! They claimed that this company put Satanic figures in its logo, poisoned babies, summoned spirits, and did all sorts of horrible, nasty stuff. All of it quite obviously untrue.

For some strange reason, this caught the public's attention. The accusations were so far from the expected, that maybe they were right. I mean, no one would make this sort of claim without something to back it up. And so, the Satanic image of this baby food company spread like a disease and their sales plummeted.

Naturally, the company didn't stand back and just let it happen. They fought back with advertising campaigns to correct the misinformation and by charging the people responsible for spreading the lies. Unfortunately, when one person got charged with libel, someone else took up the cause and continued spreading the lies.

Eventually, this company realized it couldn't fight stupid, and it gave up. It changed its logo, apologized for hypnotizing babies, and promised never to worship Satan again. Basically. The company survived and eventually the rumors died away as most lies do.

"No, I'm LDS!"

Sometimes you just can't escape a negative image, no matter how hard you try, and so you have to go with it. For instance, we were called, "Mormons," as a derogatory term. And no matter how hard we try to say, "No, we're Latter-day Saints! We're LDS!" the term is already stuck. So we just embrace it, and now we have the lovely I'm a Mormon campaign, backed up by the, "It's just a nickname for our church, I'm really a Latter-day Saint," initiative to keep Elder Ballard happy.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not a cult. That is a lie created so that people who don't like the church have a reason to hate it. I don't know of any other cult that is so secretive that it sends out thousands of missionaries to bug you and tell you all about it. We don't murder people, we encourage you to tell your friends and family that you're joining our church, and all of our doctrine is publicly available here and here. You can also read a bunch of statements from lots of other Latter-day Saints on how the Church is not a cult here.

Unlike the aforementioned baby food company, the Church will not back down or surrender to the negative accusations thrown at us. No matter how clunky the name sounds in our mouths when we try to say it quickly, we will always belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. No matter how much the world thinks we're strange, outdated, or peculiar, we will not change our doctrine.Christ gave it to us, and we will stick to it.

And remember: sacrificing babies is wrong.

How to Use the Interwebs Like a Mormon

I love to write (don't know if you can tell), and I have put some of my stories online. When I started doing that, I made the decision to only write clean, uplifting, or moral things. This applied to more sites than just Facebook. Wherever I am on the web, I want people to be able to say, "Oh, yeah, that sounds like something a Mormon would say."

Part of this reasoning comes from the fact that the internet is far less forgiving than our Savior. I found that everything that you want permanent online often disappears, and nothing you want deleted is ever permanently gone. Consequences of online actions can still haunt us long after we've repented.

The other day, I read this in Alma 12:14. "For our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence." Every aspect of our lives will be judged, including our Facebook page. We cannot think that what we do online is an exception to this rule.

So here are a few guidelines that Sister Johnson uses.

1. Don't get in arguments online. Calm discussions are fine, but fights aren't fun and give you lingering negative feelings, even if you win.

2. Use uplifting language. Don't swear, don't tell dirty jokes, and don't post negative things about others. Let your permanent internet things be good things.

3. Monitor your pictures. Just like choosing to wear modest clothing, there is a way to present yourself modestly in photos. Does your picture say, "Cute," or does it say, "Sexy?" Be honest with yourself. Sexy is inappropriate.

4. Use your computer in a public place. If you would be embarrassed for your family or others to see what you're doing or reading online, you probably shouldn't be there. Use that to your advantage to protect yourself spiritually.

5. Put a name on what you say, even if it's not your real name. You may feel that what you do or say as an anonymous user doesn't hurt you, but this is a lie sponsored by Satan. A mask of anonymity often tempts people to do things they wouldn't normally do, like cyber-bullying. So make an account and sign in.

6. Follow church pages and channels so uplifting, edifying things will appear on your newsfeeds. All of the apostles have Facebook pages now, and there's a Mormon Channel on YouTube. The internet is cool now because you can see what you want to and not see what you don't want to.

Now watch this: Bullying: Stop It

One Change Isn't Enough

I'm pretty good at the don'ts in the Word of Wisdom. Coffee, smoking, tea, drinking, illegal drugs, abuse of legal drugs -- I don't do any of that. But the Word of Wisdom has other things to follow. Early to bed, early to rise, eat meat sparingly, grains are good for you, eat your veggies, and when God says that you shall run and not be weary, I'm fairly sure that means he wants me to move around from time to time. These are things that I've not been too good at following.

And then I went on a mission. Suddenly, I have thirty minutes of required exercise every morning, I don't have time to snack on sugary things all day, and I'm blessed with companions that know how to eat a whole lot healthier than I do. My body started to feel a whole lot better and I even started to lose weight, which has never happened to me before.

I love these. I don't eat them anymore.

But then I plateaued. I wasn't getting better, and in some aspects, my health seemed to get worse. Another round of changes denied me regular use of sugary cereals and blessed me with high-fiber breakfasts: cracked wheat, homemade granola, ten-grain cereal. As I started cutting out a lot of sugar, my body felt happier. When I don't eat those things I'm supposed to, or have too much of the not-so-good for me, I know pretty quickly.

It was during one of these not-so-fun times that I had a heart-to-heart with my Heavenly Father.

"Heavenly Father!" I said. "I am doing so much better than I used to. I am exercising, I don't eat Marshmallow Mateys anymore, and I have never eaten so much cracked wheat in my entire life! Why do I still feel sick and tired?"

"Because there is more you can do."

"But I'm healthy now! Isn't this what healthy is?"

"Sister Johnson. When have you ever told your investigators that two or three changes is enough?"

Somewhat chastised, I said, "Never."

"I am happy for the changes that you have made, and I have given you blessings of health and strength. But there is always more you can do."

"Okay. Fine."

Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21 says, "There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated-- And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."

The better I obey a commandment, the better my blessings will be. My entire life, I will strive to find new ways to keep the commandments more exactly. I won't be perfect at them, especially the Word of Wisdom because Easter comes once a year and Cadbury Creme Eggs now come in packs of five. But I'm working on it. And that's the point.

We Believe in Biblical Things

We Believe...

That God spoke to a young boy and called him to be a prophet.

That Christ's true church can only be restored through divine power and with His authority.

That we don't know everything, but that God gives prophets revelations to help us understand His gospel.

        

In living the Gospel of Jesus Christ through all aspects of our lives.

     

That the Ten Commandments are not obsolete.

    
In the Law of Chastity.

    

In health codes and taking care of our bodies.

    

That the dead can be raised and the sick healed through priesthood power and authority.

That spiritual gifts are given to every man to help others grow in the Gospel.

That the Twelve Tribes of Israel will be gathered and that the Abrahamic Covenant still applies today

       

That Christ suffered for all our pains, afflictions, temptations, sicknesses, infirmities, and transgressions, was crucified, and rose again the third day to conquer death. 

That he will come again to the Earth in great power and glory, and we are eagerly preparing for that day.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe in Biblical things. Through God, all things are possible, no matter how improbable they seem. I know that my Savior lives and that He loves me. I know that Jesus Christ's church has once again been restored to the earth, and we have the fullness of the Gospel and its blessings in His church. These things I testify as true in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Plugged In

One of the hardest things I did in coming on my mission was to wind up my Batman earbuds, turn off my Zune (an mp3 player), and put away secular music for 18 months. I had never been a fan of the depressing Mormon music played on the radio in Salt Lake City on Sundays, or of copious amounts of choirs singing hymns. I could only handle MoTab for so long.

I am now 11 months into this music fast. I could say that I've survived on the most meager of music meals, but I haven't. I discovered that there are some Mormons that can write good music, sing, and leave me feeling spiritually uplifted. It's more like a music feast now, but with smaller portion sizes.

Okay, before I ruin the metaphor, I would like you to think about the regular people you see every day, such as this man to the left. I can picture myself at the University of Utah in the Student Union with hundreds of students, in red, walking by in their own little worlds. Plugged into their smartphones, iPods, and ignore-the-world devices. These devices aren't evil, according to Elder Bednar. We can use them for good when we use them in moderation. These things are fun, but they can saturate and isolate.

Let's start with Saturate. Depending on what the media is that the person consumes, this could help or harm them. For instance, I found that I listened to not Good music on my Zune constantly. And when your music doesn't fall under Good, Better, or Best, it will bring you down. But when all I've listened to is uplifting music, I have a brighter, more peaceful spirit. This really matters because we're supposed to be living so that the Spirit can be with us. So pick good music to saturate yourself with.

Another danger I put myself in was isolation. In filling my world with noise, I put myself into a different kind of silence. One where I missed out on socialization, interaction with my fellow man, and opportunities to serve others. We came to this world to develop relationships with others, and we can't do that when we ignore them. I now realize why I had so few friends once I became addicted to my Zune; I didn't bother to make them.

Oftentimes, when we feel drained or heavy because of the world, we need to make adjustments to little things. For me, my music choices had to change. I have a lot of artists to pick from, and I don't have to sacrifice my taste in music. The words songwriters use can make all the difference. And now that I've had a chance to sift through some Mormon music artists, I can honestly tell you that Mindy Gledhill and Lindsey Stirling are the bomb and that MoTab is the greatest thing ever since sliced cheese.

Doctrine and Covenants 121:45 "Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven."

I'm not an academic sort of person. How do I study the scriptures?

Why don't we start a study session and work on this together? First we're going to need some materials. A Book of Mormon to start with.

Ah! Thank you!

Now we need a study journal.

This will do.

Let's get a clock as well.

I don't think Mom will mind if I borrow this.

And finally, a Spiritual Enlightenment Enhancement Device. It works best with the pointy end down.

Ooh! Let's pick the red one.

Okay. So. Let's set the clock for thirty minutes. If you don't have as much time, you can set it for 15 minutes. If you have loads of time, an hour could work. It's whatever fits with your schedule. And you do have to schedule it in. Pick a time in the day that will give you the best opportunity to learn. Why do we set a time limit rather than a chapter limit? you may ask. The Book of Mormon isn't a chapter book or a history textbook in the normal sense. We want to be led by the Spirit in what we study.

Speaking of, we need to start with a prayer too. Gotta invite the Holy Ghost.

We open our Book of Mormon, get out our journal, and have our colored pencil at the ready. Now we have two options: Study by the chapter, or study by the topic.

Study by Chapter
So you're OCD like me and would rather read in order, eh? That's cool. I like getting the full picture and being surprised by what I end up learning. I'm on 2 Nephi 32.

I may have gotten ahead of myself. SO MANY COLORS!!!!

As you read, underline or shade any words, phrases, or verses that you like or that stand out to you. There is no wrong way to highlight your scriptures. I use different colors to mean different things. You can start with just red and work your way up. Like, verse 3 is awesome. And verses 8 and 9 have some parts that make me want to pray more.

Study by Topic
Maybe you're feeling like Heavenly Father wants you to study a certain topic, like Humility. The Index has bunches of scriptures on that!

See?

Ether 12:27 looks good. Or how about Mosiah 3:19? I wonder what Alma 5:27 says? And if we look up pride, we can learn more about the opposite of humility and what not to do.

Now let's get a pen and put that blank paper to work. I guess you could use your pencil too. Maybe you can write down how Satan doesn't want you to pray, but Heavenly Father wants you to pray always. Or if you're studying about humility, write about how God has given us weaknesses to keep us humble, but that doesn't mean we're doomed to be weak.

Keep writing. Keep reading. Sometimes you'll read more than you write. Sometimes you'll write down more than you thought you read, and then some more. That's why we need to have the Spirit with us.

Our time is up, and you can get back to work. Now go about your day feeling far more refreshed and spiritually strong!